


Haikyuu Chat Fic Except Everyone is 10 Times Meaner Than Canon

by MasterBlooky



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Lesbian Yachi Hitoka, M/M, Platonic Kissing, Sleepovers, Sugawara Koushi is a Little Shit, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:14:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29579415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterBlooky/pseuds/MasterBlooky
Summary: It's a Haikyuu Chat fic except everyone is 10 times meaner than in canon.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Slight Hinata Shoyo/Kozume Kenma, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. Literally just Oikawa and Suga being petty bitches the whole time

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Suga: Hello guys. Reminder that we're going on a picnic soon

Hinata: can kenma come?

Tsukishima: Stop trying to invite your side bitch. It's embarrassing for everyone involved.

Hinata: He's not my side bitch

Kageyama: He isnt?

Tsukishima: cuck

Kageyama: Fuck off. This is why Yamaguchi doesn't like you back.

Noya: HEY GUYS! Let's not fight, k?

Suga: Ah, Noya

Daichi: How does it feel being the favorite child Noya?

Yamaguchi: So I just mean nothing to you?

Suga: Absolutely

Noya: Thanks Papa

Oikawa: WHATSUP BESTIE WANNA FUCK?

Suga: I can't. Picnic

Daichi: 🤨 tf?

Oikawa: LMAOO I'm not coming I gotta date with Iwa~chan

Daichi: wtf is this

Tsukishima: I just hate how you two type

Suga: I hate how you think no one noticed you checking out Yamaguchi when it's so painfully obvious

Oikawa: I hate how you look like a fucking veggie tails character. Mother fucker out here late for church

Suga: Careful Tsukishima, you might miss Bible study

Oikawa: you're probably homophobic and homosexual at the same time

Suga: everytime you talk I die inside. Bitchass probably a Togami kinnie

Oikawa: Ugly ass mf thinks he's Kanaya from Homestuck

Yachi: YOUVE READ HOMESTUCK??

Yamaguchi: Oh god... not again

Asahi: what's a homestuck

Suga: Asahi... do me a favor and shut up

Tanaka: One of these days he's gonna snap and strangle you

Daichi: I could fold that hoe any day

Tsukishima: nah why tf are y'all being rude to me

Oikawa: because you an ugly ass bitch who smells like cheese and horse cock

Tsukishima: mf you look like the bitch from Boss baby

Iwa: TIM???

Tsukishima: Don't you cheat on Daichi like once a week

Suga: ITS NOT CHEATING ITS PLATONICALLY FLIRTING WITH YOUR FRIENDS!! YOU WOULDNT KNOW BECAUSE YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS A CLOSETED BISEXUAL!!! STOP TRYING TO SLUT SHAME ME!! IM BEATING UR ASS AT THE PICNIC

Kenma: hello shoyo we on for the date 2nite?

Kageyama: SO HE IS YOUR SIDE BITCH

Hinata: NOOO HES JOKING WE WERE GONNA PLAY ANINAL CROSSING

Kenma: i wasnt joking but go off i guess

Kuroo: Hinata pull up

Noya: pull up or pull out if Y'know what I mean

Kenma: stfu im trying to flirt

Kuroo: I'm literally right here. We could date an anytime.

Kenma: respect my choices you play boy bitch. go fuck bokuto or something

Akaashi: please don't

Goshiki: GOOD MORNING LESSER TEAMS.

Kuroo: Goshiki stfu challenge

Tanaka: can you guys not air out your relationship problems in the GROUP CHAT?

Oikawa: k.  
Oikawa: Suga come over we're making out

Iwa: I feel like this is was saying past the threshold of platonically flirting

Tsukishima: the way I know EXACTLY what's about to happen

Bokuto: THIS IS TOTALLY PLATONIC!!  
Bokuto: ME AND KUROO USED TO PRACTICE KISSING ALL THE TIME

Tsukishima: called it

Kuroo: God fucking dammit Bokuto

Yachi: THIS WAS THE LAST SHIT THAT I EVER GAVE  
Yachi: ISNT IT IRONIC

Hinata: USED TO BE PLATONIC

Yamaguchi: Reminder‼️I hate it here  
Yamaguchi: I didn't know Yachi could swear

Kiyoko: shes a high schooler not a damn kindergartner

Tanaka: I like how this is the only thing shes said

Atsumu: Just found out Hinata and Kageyama aren't dating. What the fuck is up Karasuno

Tsukishima: Well I'll be damned

Kageyama: why would we be dating

Daichi: Y'all flirt all the damn time lmao

Kageyama: ...  
Kageyama: when have I flirted with Hinata...?

Suga: Oh well, I guess you can't fix idiocy

Yamaguchi: I just realized I'm the closeted bisexual in Suga's text  
Yamaguchi: I'm??? Not?? In the?? Closet??

Suga: hey Yama-Lama-Ding-Dong, Truth or dare

Yamaguchi: uhh Dare??

Suga: I dare you to shut the fuck up  
Suga: God damn. Cant say shit around here without y'all getting on my ass

Kuroo: WHY IS HE SO MUCH MEANER OVER TEXT LMAOO

Oikawa: get off ur damn phone Suga ur killing the vibes

Suga: shit sorry babe

Daichi: HUH?

Oikawa: you don't call ur friends babe? No wonder.. you probably laugh at minion memes

Semi: Sigh

Shirabu: ew attention seeker

Yamaguchi: Yachi called y'all <>

Yachi: SHHHHH

Daichi: Uhmm okay  
Daichi: someone change the subject

Tendou: I'll bite

Daichi: someone else please

Tendou: homophobe

Daichi: I'm bi??

Tendou: and?

Suga: Daichi come over me and Oikawa are hanging

Iwa: am I allowed to come

Oikawa: no fuck off

Iwa: that actually was not a question and I will be coming

Oikawa: ILYSM 💗💗💖💖💕💕💖💖🍆🍆🍆🍆😩😩😩

Iwa: You tried it

~~~~~~

Oikawa: Ok I'm bored so we're doing never have I ever

Hinata: I'm guessing we don't have a choice so sure

Oikawa: you go first xx

Hinata: Never have I ever been straight

Tanaka: blocked and reported.

Goshiki: GET FUCKED.

Ushijima : Goshiki

Goshiki: OH MY GOD HE SAID MY NAME.  
Goshiki: EVERYBODY STAY FUCKING CALM.

Tendou: haha thats gay

Ushijima: Tendou, are you yourself not gay?

Tendou: Can you guys stop targeting me

Goshiki: I'M GOING NEXT.

Oikawa: wtf  
Oikawa: Ushi Gushi control your pet

Goshiki: NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN KOGANE.

Hinata: I don't think he understands the rules

Kogane: WHAT

Suga: Y'all mind if I take your children

Moniwa: pls don't

Ushijima: Yes. However, they are not our children.

Semi: He wasnt even talking to you smh

Yachi: piss

Yamaguchi: YACHI PLS I CANT HANDLE THIS

Asahi: It's my turn

Oikawa: no tf it is not

Asahi: Never have I ever read Homestuck

Kenma: fuck you

Kuroo: What he said

Hinata: aww man

Kageyama: I hate it here.

Tsukishima: ew why are there so many of you

Yachi: dammit :(

Suga: Never have I ever been gay

Yachi: I don't like this game anymore

Kageyama: This literally isn't fair

Tsukishima: Suck it up. SUCK. IT. UP

Kageyama: Yeah I know you like sucking it up now leave me alone

Suga: HELP JM LOSING JTHDHD

Kageyama: Never have I ever gotten high or drunk

Suga: It's just a game bro calm down

Oikawa: right lmao  
Oikawa: anyway  
Oikawa: never have I ever had a crush on Suga

Suga: you don't have a crush on me :((

Oikawa: awww🥺 no

Daichi: well fuck

Kageyama: ^^

Suga: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT HUH?

Kageyama: ?  
Kageyama: I'm over it now so it rlly doesn't matter

Tsukishima: Next thing you know he's gonna say he had a crush on Oikawa

Kageyama: I mean

Oikawa: NO NO NO NO NO NO

Kageyama: there was this one time in middle school where we stared into each other's eyes, and I thought it was fate. Turns out he was about to beat the shit out of me

Oikawa: I remember that

Yamaguchi: reminder that I hate it here

Tendou: watch me get two birds with one stone  
Tendou: Never have I ever been rejected by my crush

Kuroo: I literally can't have anything here

Kenma: thats my line you cock

Lev: WAS THAT A PUN??

Kenma: what are you on

Yaku: He on some dumb shiiiiiiii

Yachi: THIS ONE IS FOR THE BOYS FOR THE BOOMING SYSTEM

Yamaguchi: YACHI PLS IM GOING JNTO CARDIAC ARREST THATS NOT EVEN THE SAME SONG

Kogane: HOW ARE YOU GUYS GETTING YAMAGUCHI TO LIKE YOU????  
Kogane: HE GROWLED AT ME!!!!!!

Noya: BAHAHAHA HE WHAT???

Yamaguchi: Well maybe if you weren't a buck toothed bitchass angry birds mimic that wouldn't have happened

Goshiki: HAHAHAHAHHHAHAH

Terushima: that was hot

Yamaguchi: fuck off🖕🖕🖕

Bokuto: HEY HEY HEY  
Bokuto: NEVER HAVE I EVER NOT BEEN IN LOVE WITH AKAASHI

Akaashi: that's not how you play.

Bokuto: OKAY LET ME TRY AGAIN  
Bokuto: NEVER HAVE I EVER KISSED A GIRL

Oikawa: Well damn

Hinata: I thought you were gay???

Oikawa: stfu  
Oikawa: Anyway fuck all of you I win

Iwa: Fuck you

Oikawa: Oh yes daddy

Yamaguchi: Anyone wanna join the Kogane hate club

Moniwa: This ice youre on is thin so watch what you say

Yamaguchi: I know you're in! I think I see a grin

Kogane: FOR ALL THIS PAIN AND TORTURE I SWEAR YOU'LL PAY

Sakusa: ugh my knees hurt like shit

Kenma: wtf

Tsukishima: What the FUCK why would you feel the need to tell us this?

Tanaka: Can you guys not shove your relationships in my face FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND?  
Tanaka: OOOOOH WE GET IT YOU'RE NOT SINGLE

Sakusa: i hate all of you  
Sakusa: disgusting  
Sakusa: i was talking about church

Atsumu: O:  
Atsumu: You go to churcj?

Sakusa: i dont know what churcj is

Osamu: lmao

Atsumu: You asked for it

Suga: Oh god

Atsumu: Big brother, I want you to give me your big juicy thick dick and drench me with your hot sticky cum until im gasping for air! There, I fucking said it!

Osamu: get the fuck out right now

Hinata: AHHH WHAT THE FUCK NO NO NO NO

Kageyama: How to unread something

Yamaguchi: OHSHC type beat

Oikawa: I dont wanna be here anymore

Goshiki: THIS GAVE ME AN EPISODE. PLEASE DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT AGAIN.

Suna: Smile bitch  
Suna: caught in 4k 📸

Atsumu: NO WAIT

Asahi: I have trauma now

Sakusa: Next time I go to church I'm bringing you with me

Atsumu: I mean, I'm not complaining.

Sakusa: I've changed my mind  
Sakusa: I'm getting you an exorcist

Astumu: Asahi can be the makeshift jesus

Asahi: what

Suga: I'm not sure how this happened  
Suga: Anyway if you can come to the pcinic lsater ifuds

Daichi: Did Suga just fucking die?


	2. Tsukishima is a jealous idiot and Suga bullies Goshiki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima is a jealous idiot and Suga bullies Goshiki

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Hinata: I never noticed how close Yamaguchi and Yachi are

Yachi: It's because we're besties

Tsukishima: Excuse you?

Yachi: ??

Kenma: dont be fooled by shoyo  
Kenma: he said that to start drama

Hinata: DTOP LEAKING OUR DMS KENMA

Tendou: Are we exposing people?  
Tendou: Goshiki bites

Kogane: CAN CONFIRM

Semi: He has bitten me like five times a day

Yamaguchi: stfu Koganegawa

Kogane: I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING

Tsukishima: Yamaguchi

Yamaguchi: am I in trouble?

Tsukishima: I'm your best friend right?

Yamaguchi: ...  
Yamaguchi: Are we still exposing people?

Suga: I mean sure  
Suga: uuhhhhh Daichi has a book where he keeps team secrets

Daichi: Suga...  
Daichi: I thought you werent gonna tell any1 :(

Suna: ha nice

Suga: On second thought, let's not expose each others secrets  
Suga: That kinda stuff is intrusive

Oikawa: Well first of all  
Oikawa: whore

Yachi: Why are we glossing over the fact that Goshiki BITES people

Tsukishima: Why are we glossing over you an Yamaguchi being best friends aparently?

Yachi: Goshiki being tall doesn't sit right with me

Goshiki: WHAT?

Kogane: SEMI-UNRELATED BUT GOSHIKI IS SO PRETTY!!!

Semi: what

Shirabu: The word semi you fucking idiot

Goshiki: THANK YOU. YOU'RE NOT THAT HANDSOME.

Tendou: Was that a vine reference?

Shirabu: It's been like 5 years. Give it up

Yachi: Can we please talk about the implications considering Kogane confirming that Goshiki bites people?

Tsukishima: Can we please talk about you and Yamaguchi being best friends?

Hinata: He bit me and Stingyshima too!

Yachi: Oh...

Kogane: I WANNA GET MARRIED GOSHIKI

Goshiki: DJFBUSUFUJFIJFIJFIF

Tendou: GASP  
Tendou: YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OVER TEXT 

Suga: THIS^^^

Daichi: I feel like we're ignoring the fact that theyre like 16 or something

Yachi: Hello ^.^ Would you be interested in coping a feel for 10000 yen?  
Yachi: Oops wrong chat 

Suga: Hold the phone  
Suga: Yachi who was that going to I just wanna talk

Noya: FUCK NAH DROP THE ADDY

Kiyoko: Yachi

Yachi: LMAO IT WAS A JOKE

Yamaguchi: Sure

Yachi: STOP THEIR GONNA THINK ITM INFIFHISHGIHSI

Hinata: See! Their besties

Daichi: Yams has a type and it's blondes.

Osamu: I'm not blonde

Atsumu: HUH??

Suna: Genuinely have no clue what this is supposed to mean

Aran: I'm so done with you guys

Atsumu: It's ur first time texting here!!

Aran: And last  
Aran: Goodbye

Hinata: On a different note  
Hinata: I am now traumatized by the words top and bottom  
Hinata: If someone ever says those words around me Im going to fucking kill myself

Oikawa: Speak your truth queen

Goshiki: ME WHENEVER I.

Kogane: MY RING FINGER IS LOOKING AWFULLY BARE

Goshiki: AUGDUHUFHUFHUFDHUDFUCFHIAUDBUBCUBDU

Shirabu: No offense but I hope you have a heartattack and die

Yamaguchi: Tsukki stop ignoring my texts

Tsukishima: No.

Yamaguchi: Tsukki you lame blonde bimbo bitch  
Yamaguchi: Answer my goddamn text before I shove my foot up your ass

Tsukishima: i uhm dofns finsiaf nianifn

Suga: He liked that

Hinata: LMAO RIGHT

Oikawa: Oh~? Is that what you're into~?

Kageyama: Seeing Tsukishima blush doesnt sit tight with me

Daichi: HUH????

Noya: tight you say

Kageyama: I MEANT RIGHT 

Oikawa: Tsukki is tight😩😩

Tsukishima: ONE: dont call me that TWO: ew

~~~~

Atsumu: I usualy don't laugh at the barry b jokes b/c they hurt my feelings and its getting old b/c I HEAR IT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY  
Atsumu: BUT  
Atsumu: I've been laughing at "yer like jazz" for about five hours

Osamu: Can confirm  
Osamu: Stfu

~~~~

Tsukishima: uhm anyerjht hehehehgigsigh

Kuroo: They done killed Tsukibadada

Bokuto: THATS MY LINE

~~~~

Tsukishima: I literally can't hav hobbies without the team making fun of me  
Tsukishima: I said I liked dinos once and they literally wont stop bullying me

Oikawa: Me except all i did was where an Alien t-shirt

Tsukishima: Ew I dont wanna relate to you 

Oikawa: Bitch I will fry you like the french fry you are

Tsukishima: Dont you have an alien to fuck or somethignindighasuhguashgztfr

Suga: HUH???

Hinata: Oh my fucking god hes fucking dead

Suga: Good ridance

Yachi: Yay!  
Yachi: Now we can be best friends in peace. Right Yama?

Tsukishima: Nevermind

Yamaguchi: Are we not dating?

Tsukishima: we are??

Kuroo: Aren't you the smart one?

Yamaguchi: Tsukki, we've kissed.   
Yamaguchi: Tf are you on???

Terushima: I want you

Yamaguchi: Stfu cat piss

Kenma: ?  
Kenma: oh

Kuroo: WHY DID HE RESPOFNISIFIS OT>??????F?S>F"S??F?S>F?>?F>?S?F>?D>101 ERROR

Tsukishima: Shut the fuck up I'm doing something

Kageyama: Dm's exist 

Hinata: Why would a dungeon master have anything to do with this

Kageyama: I- what?

Yamaguchi: If 2 + 2 is 4 and 5 + 5 is 10... wtf is this

Noya: I can't keep defending you like this

Tendou: Y'know what I just realized?

Tsukishima: Omg we're doing something here

Kageyama: Dm's

Reminder that I am Gay

Did you seriously not know we were dating?

Uhhh  
whoops

Omfg  
So do you not like me

We shouldnt do this over text.  
Call me

[TRANSCRIPT]

Tsukishima: So-

Yamaguchi: What the hell, Tsukki?

Tsukishima: I'm sorry. I just didn't think you liked me back.

[SOUNDS OF SHUFFLING FOLLOWED BY A CRASH]

Yamaguchi: Dammit- You're lying. I know you, Tsukki.

Tsukishima: You're just so cool, Yamaguchi. Shit. I'm not good with this kind of thing.

Yamaguchi: Clearly.

Tsukishima: I don't know. I didn't think I was good enough for you. Shit. I'm so sorry.

Yamaguchi: You're so stupid, Tsukki. I'm so mad at you.

Tsukishima: I know.

Yamaguchi: I love you so much. I'm coming over.

[TRANSCRIPT OVER]

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Tendou: Goshiki dresses like a lesbian

Goshiki: I WHAT?

Yachi: I 

Suga: We broke Yachi again

Goshiki: SHUT UP ABOUT YACHI! THIS ISNT ABOUT HER.

Suga: Oh hell nah

Goshiki: I SENSE I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.

Suga: I know the bitch who looks like the copied Jiro's hairstyle and failed horribly isnt talking  
Suga: Your hair looks like a shitty party city wig  
Suga: Mother fucker out here pining for a fucking gopher like he has a say  
Suga: Yeah fuck off with that. Go ahead and log off for me

Goshiki: I'M SORRY! YOU'RE DAMAGING MY ALREADY LOW SELF ESTEEM

Kogane: I STILL LOVE YOU!!! <3

Goshiki: I'M BEING PENETRATED FROM BOTH SIDES!

Shirabu: fucking hate it here

Tendou: Goshiki read what you typed again but slowly.

Semi: Rethink what you typed, Goshiki.

Hinata: I cant believe there was a point where I was scared of you guys

Goshiki: I'M NEVER TYPING AGAIN.  
Goshiki: I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THREE PEOPLE AT ONCE.

Semi: Goshiki, please.

Kuroo: There's literally no way he isn't doing this on purpose

Sakunami: welp, there goes Kogane's phone

Hinata: Who are you again

Noya: LMAOOOO

Tanaka: i know that hurt

Hinata: I dont get it :/

Suga: oh you poor thing.  
Suga: you dont have a single thought behind those eyes, do you?

Hinata: OH I KNOW!  
Hinata: You're that guy who's into Atsumu

Sakunami: I-

Atsumu: Motherfucker do you mean SAKUSA???

Hinata: Goodbye. 

Suga: He's never thought a day in his life...

Daichi: Brutal.

Tendou: Can we not bully Goshiki? Thx

Suga: Now that you mention it

Goshiki: YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE YOU BLOODY TAMPON!

Yachi: BLOODY WHAT??

Tendou: DJBFUUSFHufhudUJBfu IM LOSING IT

Daichi: Oh god I can see Suga typing

Goshiki: I'M GOING TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR IMPACT.

Suga: youre pretty cool Goshiki,  
Suga: And you are pretty

Goshiki:...  
Goshiki: REALLY?

Suga: SIKE BITCH  
Suga: THE FACT THAT HINATA'S HAIR LOOKS BETTER THAN YOUR IS A CRIME  
Suga: THAT BOY HAS LITERALLY NEVER SEEN A HAIRBRUSH IN HIS ENTIRE GODDAMN LIFE  
Suga: USHI GUSHI IS THE ONLY ONE WITH GOOD BANGS ON YOUR TEAM  
Suga: IN FACT THE ONLY ONE WITH BANGS WORST THAN YOURS IS SHIRABU

Tendou: Pull up Suga

Shirabu: Why was I included in this

Hinata: nah why am I being attacked

Kageyama: Did you just forget your last few messages?

Goshiki: CRYING.

Tendou: Pull up BIOTCH

Suga: Oki I'm sowwy UWU

Noya: DUBFUHZUDHUIFHUF FU  
Noya: *notices ur buldge* OwO? wats dis?

Tanaka: BRO WTF

Suga: I'll make it up to yall I promise  
Suga: ....  
Suga: Who want's alcohol?

Daichi: SUGA THEYRE 16

Suga: I'm kidding! That's illegal

Daichi: Cap

Suga: No really! The bottles for spin the bottle

Daichi: No

Oikawa: I cant wait to kiss your pretty face Suga

Suga: Oh~?

Iwa: Y'all wonder why i never text here

Daichi: mf IM RIGHT HERE

Hinata: Kageyama why dont you flirt with me like that

Kenma: I literally do that all the time with you but go off

Yamaguchi: Wtf is this Miraculous Ladybug Love Square?

Akaashi: when did u get here

Suga: omg this is gonna be so good

Yamaguchi: -CAUSE! YOURE SO SMART! A STAND UP BRO ILL THINK ABOUT YOUR OFFER I'LL LET YOU KNOW

Terushima: That's so hot

Yamaguchi: Stfu 

Suga: Well I can;t have like 500 people there.  
Suga: First 5 people respond get to go

Kenma: kuro  
Kenma: wrong chat

Hinata: Can I go??

Noya: Im coming!!

Tsukishima: That's what he says whenever he's with Asahi

Yamaguchi: LMAO

Tsukishima: wait I dont want to go this was a mistake

Yamaguchi: it'll be fun ^^

Kenma: does this mean i have to go  
Kenma: bc i 100% will not come

Suga: Thats 5 people

Hinata: How did I count 6

Suga: You're not that dumb Honey <3

Noya: Karasuno takes another W

Kenma: makes 0 sense but go off

Suga: Be there tommorrow at 8 or I'll negativety begone your head off

Kenma: makes 0 sense but go off

Bokuto: HEY HEY HEY!   
Bokuto: I AM HERE!!!

Yamaguchi: Go off almight

Tsukishima: More like go offline

Yamaguchi: bad take 

Kenma: makes 0 sense but go off  
Kenma: anyway im gonna go do drugs and rob banks while kicking puppies and burning orphanages down lmao

Bokuto: DID ALL OF YOU JUST IGNORE MY COOL ENTERENCE?

Hinata: wait  
Hinata: I dont wanna go anymore

Suga: Why not :(

Bokuto: WHAT THE HECK GUYS :((

Akaashi: it's fine  
Akaashi: I'll jus t give you extra cuddles to make up for them

Bokuto: AGASHJOII

Akaashi: i don't know who agashjoii is

Hinata: I do not like the possibility of me and Stingyshima kissing

Suga: I like that idea a whole lot those :(((  
Suga: Do it for me :((

Hinata: Okay but you have to admit Im the favorite child

Suga: ...  
Suga: I'll buy you food for two weeks

Hinata: it's a deal

Noya: I AM CHILD 1# SUPREME

Yachi: aghhh :(((  
Yachi: yamaguchi and Tsukishima, Akaashi and Bokuto, and the guy from angry birds and knock of jiro are so cute

Goshiki: WHY WAS I SLANDERED?

Yamaguchi: It's okat Yachi, I'm sure youll get a griflfriend soon

Yachi: I wanna go back to camp :((

Kageyama: Can we talk about Yamaguchi's spelling of girlfriend?

Yamaguchi: I'm surprised you noticed

Kenma: why are you guys using grammar its unattractive

Kuroo: O O O O'reily auto parts

Kenma: kuro what does this mean

Kuroo: Like a good neighbor statefarm is there

Yachi: I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO CAMMMMPPPPPPpp :((

Hinata: TANAKA DO SOMETHING

Tanaka: Aw man!  
Tanaka: How can I make it up for ya?

Yachi: Maybe you could..  
Yachi: Send selfies or just like pics of your sister 🥺👉👈

Tanaka: what

Atsumu: THE '🥺' EMOJI I CAN'T

Suga: why do half of you guys just silenting lurk in the chat  
Suga: LEt's just pretend that made sense

Goshiki: YOU HURT MY FEELINGS.

Tendou: I still haven't recovered from what Goshiki said to me

Sakusa: Genuinely don't like you guys

Osamu: This^^

Semi: omg finally someone said it ^^^

Hoshiumi: ^^^

Kogane: NO AMOUNT OF MY WHOLESOME COMPLIMENTS CAN FIX YOU

Suna: I've just been collecting blackmail

Asahi: I'll get bullied if I type here

Ushijima: I do not know what is happening at any point in time.

Iwa: Oikawa

Kinoshita: Not all of us have main character status

Kiyoko: I don't have anything to say

Konoha: I forgot this chat existed lol

Ennoshita: My job is not to babysit Tanaka and Noya 24/7 and i refuse to make it so

Lev: THERE'S A GROUP CHAT???

Yaku: You've literally texted here before??  
Yaku: anyway I've been observing.

Oikawa: There are people I havent ever seen talk here responding

Hinata: who is Ennoshita?

Ennoshita: I will beat your ass

Hinata: IM KIDDING IM SORRY PLEASE DONT

Kageyama: COUGH pussy COUGH

Suga: Speaking of pussy  
Suga: Kenma I really think you should come  
Suga: butif you dont it's fine I guess  
Suga: Do what makes you comfortable

Kenma: huh  
Kenma: why did you say speaking of pussy and then start talking about me

Lev: I want to say something, but my pride wont allow me to

Yaku: we'll fix that

Lev: Help?? What??? does this??? mean???? 

Kuroo: He was gonna make the cat and rooster joke again

Suga: Im not gonna question that  
Suga: Be there or be square


	3. There's not much chatting and the author can't spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga's sleepover and I really can't spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's really writing heavy, and I'm not that good at it so sorry.

The boys sat in a circle in a room on the floor. This was happening. Oikawa was setting up a recording. Even though half of the people there didn't want to be there, Suga seemed to be having a good time. He was actually having too much of a good time considering the fact that everyone had just got there.

"I'm gonna get in so much trouble." Suga giggled.

"One question," Tsukishima said, "Why is he here?"

It was a good question. He should've expected Oikawa to come even though he wasn't invited. He was just sitting there smiling like he was supposed to be there.

"I wanted to be here. So I came." Oikawa explained.

There was obviously no more answers along that line of questioning, so Tsukishima just dropped it. Like Suga said, there's no helping idiocy.

"I'll go first!" Hinata yelled. 

Of course he said that. He probably thought it was a competiton. Hinata spun the bottle and it landed on Tsukki. 

"Can I spin again?"

"Well if you don't kiss him. You'll lose'" Oikawa explained.

Suga gigggled and leaned on Oikawa. That surely was going to set of Hinata. If Oikawa made it into a competition, Hinata would treat it like it was a competition, much to Tsukishima's displeasure. 

Hinata scooted over to kiss Tsukki. Tsukishima, of course, was doing is best to dodge Hinata. Of course, Hinata would not lose. Yamaguchi was practically staring daggers into Hinata skulls. There was a stuggle for about five minutes before Hinata succesfully pecked Tsukishima on the lips.

Hinata posed like he just won all the awards in the world. So the game went on with people being paired up. Tsukishima and Kenma, Kenma and Oikawa, then Oikawa and Suga. Oikawa ended up not kissing Suga on the lips, but on the cheek. Suga clapped and then spun the bottle. It landed on Noya.

"Give me some Suga!" Suga yelled before giving Noya a peck on the lips.

"Oh my God you're drunk." Noya gasped.

Oikawa made a displeased face, "Well I can't have you play now. Kou... We talked about this."

"B- but! Alcohol makes the stress go away." Suga said with a pout. It looked like he was trying to make pleading face emoji, but he was failing miserably.

"Kou, I'm mad at you. I'm gonna tell Daichi to pick you up." Oikawa said sternly.

Yamaguchi meanwhile, was trying not to laugh. Hinata, Tsukki, and Kenma were exetremely uncomfortable.

"Nooo!" Suga cried, beginning to sob, "I'm supposed to be the responible one! He's gonna yell at me."

Yamaguchi was now full on laughing while was attempting (Keyword: attempting) to confort Suga. Hinata had this semi-blank look. He thought that rather than thinking about his upperclassmen sobbing like baby infront of him, it was better not to think at all. So eventually, Hinata stopped thinking.

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Oikawa: Daichi come collect your mans

Daichi: Goddammit  
Daichi: What happened now?

Futakuchi: If Suga's out of comission I can always bully people

Oikawa: Stfu you cocksucking bizoch

Futakuchi: I take that as a complement you worn out condom

Atsumu: WHAT DID HE SAY??

Daichi: Oh god Futakuchi, Oikawa, and Atsumu in the same chat  
Daichi: I dont get paid enough for this

Kageyama: You dont get paid at all??

Daichi: Exactly

Oikawa: I dont have time to deal with ur bs right now Futacoochie  
Oikawa: Anyway, Daichi collect your man bc he's dumb and got drunk

Daichi: On my way!  
Daichi: *omw

Atsumu: FUTA-WHAT??

Futakuchi: Shut the fuck up Atsumu

Oikawa: Oh my god, please do

Atsumu: If you say the thing I'm coming to ur house and beating you tf up

Futakuchi: Yer like jazz?

Atsumu: You asked for it

"He's coming to pick you up. Go lay on the bed, cutie." Oikawa winked and then turned to the rest of the group, "Well that was uderly humiliating. Yama, stop laughing it's not funny!"

"But it is. Schadenfreude." He responded inbetween laughs.

"Anyway, we should play a different game. Any suggestions?" Oikawa asked with a clap.

"We should tell scary stories." Hinata suggested. 

They all thought it was a good idea. More like they didn't hate it, but that still counted. Oikawa unloaded a bag to reveal snacks of all kinds. There were chips and drinks, but more importantly, s'mores. No one could resist s'mores. Even those with no hearts like Tsukishima or Kenma. In fact, some people can't resist s'more so much that they might've ate like half the bag. No pointing fingers, but it was Oikawa.

Kenma decided he would go first, "Once upon a time there was a boy named... Ma. He had a best friend named Ro and a best friend named Yo. He was an anti social boy, but whenever he was with them, he made it work. One day, Ma was walking in a forest in the middle of a night. He heard an eerie noise. It was quiet, but it seemed to bounce around his mind. It was then when he felt a hand around his neck. The voice that belonged to the hand spoke. 

'Shouganai.'

When Ma looked around to see who was choking him, there was no one there. The next day, when he went to go talk to his friend, his heart started pounding. It was then that he realized he was cursed... WITH UNREQUITED LOVE!"

"OH DEAR GOD!" Oikawa screeched.

Yamaguchi, who was already in a giggly mood, bursted out in laugher. It sounded somewhat passive agressive in an odd way.

"That's my favorite AO3 tag." Noya added, which was somewhat concerning.

"I'm gonna have nightmares." Hinata shivered.

"Okay, I think I'll say one," Yamaguchi said. "Once there was a boy and his friend. Boy Y and Boy T were watching an anime on an suspicious website. It was gory, horrific, and well written. A triple threat. The main character had been haunted in a bathroom by a ghost that only wished for her and her friends to die a cruel death. She had been cursed to watch the downfall of her family and friends with nothing she could do about it. Boy T wasn't scared at all, but Boy Y was terrified. Boy Y did his best to hide his fear. He wanted to look cool for Boy T, but something was lingering in his mind.

Later that night Boy Y went to the bathroom with his laptop. He looked up information to see if anything from the show was true, but nothing popped up. There was barely any information about the anime besides from the title and the cover. He wondered if it had anything to do with the suspicous website. Then, he heard a noise echoing around the bathroom. It had transformed into a room covered in the anime's name and cover, but no one but him was there. Then it had hit him. HE WAS IN A DEAD FANDOM!"

Tsukki chuckled. Hinata didn't even know he could do that without someone near him in some sort of pain.

"This has happened to me so many times. Alas, it's a risk I must take." Noya said dramtically.

"You're so cool Noya!" Hinata gasped in awe.

"He didn't even do anthing impressive..." Kenma mumbled.

Oikawa clapped once to get everyones attention, "I think we're all throughly scared enough. Time for truth or dare! Shima!"

"What?"

"Truth or dare? If you say truth I'll fuck your boyfriend."

"Dare, but not because you'll screw Yamaguchi."

"Suga what time is it?" Oikawa asked.

"Mmm... Nine-thirty." He responded in a sluggish manner.

"Okay! I dare you to text like Bokuto for the next twenty-four hours! Meaning you'll have to stay like that until Nine-thirty tomorrow." Oikawa smirked. "Go ahead and type in chat. I wanna see this."

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Tsukishima: HEY HEY HEY

Kuroo: Brokuto give Tsukki his phone back  
Kuroo: You aren't subtle

Bokuto: I DONT HAVE HIS PHOENE THOGUH

Akaashi: It's true

Tsukishima: WHAT ARE YOU TALLKING ABOUT BROS?  
Tsukishima: GET IT? TALL-KING

Kageyama: AHHHH PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK

Tsukishima: 🥺

Kageyama: NOOOOO FCUK OOOOOFFF NO NO NO NO  
Kageyama: GET TF OUT

Tsukishima: WHAT DID I DO?

Kageyama: GET THE FUCL OUT GET THE FUCK OUT GET THE FUCK OUT GET THE FUCK OUT GET THE FUCK OUT LEAVE LEAV LEAVE LEAV KEAE

Tsukishima: ...  
Tsukishima: ok i guess... dhmu streaks 😔🥀🖤

Bokuto: I THINK I'M BEING MOCKED

Oikawa rolled over on his back and started laughing like crazy. If Hinata didn't know any better, he would say that he looked cute. Then he remembered it was Oikawa and that he was laughing about the pain of others and instantly regret even thinking that. Then he remembered that it was the pain of Tsukishima and Kageyama and thought 'Hey, Oikawa's kinda cute like that!'

"HAHAHAHAHA! I'm gonna pee my pants! Yay! We broke Tobio!" Oikawa spoke in between laughs.

Hinata grabbed Oikawa and started tickling him. "You're too cute Great King! Just too cute!"

Then, Suga sat up from the bed he was in and screeched, slighty slurring his words, "Stay 'way from tings that aren't yours!"

"But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?" Noya responded.

Suga gave him a look that just screamed 'I have raised you well, young one.' Hinata stopped tickling Oikawa and shed a single tear. 'Oh to be Noya or Kageyama and have Suga baby me.' He thought. Kenma looked away. 'Oh to be Oikawa and have Shoyo tickle me and call me cute.' He thought. Yamaguchi was comforting Tsukki, but it was more like he was silently making fun of him while patting him on the back.

"I must admit, this sleepover has been a little more girlish than I expected. But I've enjoyed it none the less!" Noya's expression turned devious, "Truth or Dare can wait. Tickle party!"

~~~~

Daichi sighed as he walked into the house. Perhaps he was putting too much pressure on Suga. Either way, this kind of behavior wasn't healthy. He made a mental note to try and take care is Suga more.

"I wanna see you beg me for mercy."

What.

What the hell?

That voice was definetly Noya. It was probably just Noya things then.

"H- Hey! Keep your h- hands off me-E!"  
"I didn't know you could make that kind of noise, Stingyshima."

That was Tsukishima then Hinata. This was becoming highly uncomfortable, and yet Daichi found himself continuing to listen.

"You looks so cute when you're out of breath, Kenma. Are you crying, perhaps?"  
"Hehe! He is!"  
"No fair! I'm missing all the fun."

Nope.

Gotta go.

Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta go.

He's pretty sure that was Oikawa, Yamaguchi, and Suga in that order. Perhaps it's best that he'd come back later.

~~~~

"Aww man... The recording got corrupted or something. Oh well, the audio's still there atleast!" Oikawa pouted.

"I hope the whole thing broke." Tsukishima said.

"If anyone else saw me like that I..." Kenma trailed off.

"Okay I guess it's my turn. Kenma truth or dare?" Tsukki spoke with a hint of confusion.

"Dare."

"Uh... I dare you to uh..."

"You're supposed to think of a dare before you go." Hinata said before sticking his tngue out. This earned him a glare from Yamaguchi.

"Psst!" Oikawa leaned over to whispered in Tsukki's ear "Make him wear a maid dress and cat ears."

Tsukishima nodded then spoke "I dare you to dump water all over Oikawa."

"That is not what I said!" Oikawa yelled. Tsukishima was quick to flip him off.

Kenma got a water bottle and poored it over Oikawa's head.

"He would've been so cute!" Oikawa whined. "Now I have to take my shirt off."

"If only Suga were here to see this moment." Noya said while shedding a tear. Apparently, somewhere along the line Daichi picked up Suga or something.

"It's not like he's dead..." Kenma muttered, "Yamaguchi, truth or dare."

"Dare!"

"There's barely any truths," Kenma said to himself, "I dare you to wear a maid dress and car ears."

"What a turn of events! I would've never expected that from Kenma!" Oikawa squeeled, "And that coy expression when he said that! He's just way too cute."

"That's right! Kenma is impossibly cute!" Hinata boasted like he had been complemented instead of Kenma.

"There's no way I can wear one right now! I'd have to buy one! So we'll just have to move on. Hinata, truth or dare? It's dare isn't it? Poor water all over Kenma." Yamaguchi said without letting anyone respond.

It was more than obvious that Yamaguchi was more than pissed. Hinata was going to say dare though. So he decided that he would just take the dare. He figured Kenma would get all worked up, and that was a sight he wouldn't ever want to miss. Hinata liked to see people get annoyed by him. He grabbed a random water bottle and poored it over Kenma's head.

Kenma gave a semi-dejected look. He was angry, but was too tired to bother. He came off as depressed and tired. 

"W- what the hell? Is it even possible to be anymore cute?" Yamaguchi stared in disbelief.

"No chance! I won't stand a chance! No one could resist such a look! Oh my, is he blushing?" Oikawa gushed, "My Iwa will be swept away! Floozy! Hussie!"

Noya gave Kenma a thumbs up, "Once again your cuteness is blowing me out of the park!"

"That's not the expression I was looking for..." Hinata sighed.

At this point Kenma was embarrased and super pissed off. Most of all he didn't want to be there anymore. There was one way he knew how to escape any situation. So then, it was time for his special attack.

"I think he fell asleep." Tsukishima pointed out.


	4. Reacting to the videos and then fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other ugly bitches react to the video Oikawa took and then some hoes fight over literally nothing

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Oikawa: Oki doki! Video time!  
Oikawa: This one's of Spin the Bottle

[Oikawa SENT A VIDEO]

Atsumu: Suga sounds like he is fun to party with

Suga: absolutely not  
Suga: My head is killing meeee

Daichi: Who's fault is that exactly?

Ennoshita: Brutal

Futakuchi: SO he is out of commission

Oikawa: FUTAKUCHI JOINED YOUR PARTY!

Futakuchi: Stfu you playboy bitchass whore

Oikawa: You're one to talk you shit eating dick licker

Iwa: What does that even mean 

Kageyama: I am feeling very much negative emotions

Hinata: Jealous

Kageyama: No ur dumb

Kuroo: The Oikawa Kenma kiss made me feel some type of way😳

Kenma: that makes it sound like were married dont say that

Kuroo: Thinking about it i would still call you Kenma if that were the case

Kenma: why is that the part youre paying attention to

Bokuto: GOOD JOB HINATA!!! YOU CLAIMED VICTORY OVER TSUKKI

Tsukishima: YES GOOD JOB!

Kageyama: GET THE FUCK OUTTT

Yamaguchi: Omg he's still doing it

[Oikawa CHANGED Tsukishima'S NICKNAME TO Bokutwo]

Bokutwo: WHAT

Bokuto: I LOVE IT

Kuroo: Who's gonna be me Kurtwo?

Yachi: That's my favorite youruber

Yamaguchi: Yachi what

Yachi: KURT keep tf up goddamn

Yamaguchi: YACHI WHAT???HUH

Yachi: THAT WASNT EME IM SORRY 

Oikawa: Okay next up is the scary stories!

[Oikawa SENT A VIDEO]

Bokuto: AHHJJHJHJHHH  
Bokuto: AKGHASSHI YOU LOVE ME RIGHT?

Akaashi: Who's Akghasshi...  
Akasshi: Anyhow I love you

Yachi: The dead fandom one really resinates with me  
Yachi: I've been trying to bring back to Ace Attorney, No. 6, and Stars Align fandom all by myself

Kuroo: Im currently living one of these stories

Kenma: friendship is beautiful nice thing  
Kenma: let us all stay in the friendzone for a long time  
Kenma: personally i am fine with being in the friendzone  
Kenma: wont you stay in the friendzone with me kuro

Kuroo: HUH??

Kenma: weve had this beautiful friendship for what 20 years

Kuroo: What

Kenma: let us keep it this way so that it cannot be tainted

Hinata: Ive nebver seen Him type like that before

Terushima: He's CHOOSING to be single?? TF???

Oikawa: Let's ignore that shall we?  
Oikawa: This one isss a tickle party with a certain part cut out  
Oikawa: I messed up somehow so it's only audio

[Oikawa SENT A VIDEO]

Daichi: I thought yall were doing something completely different

Iwa: No yeah  
Iwa: This is literally just porn

Oikawa: PARDON??

Atsumu: I always knew you were a slut

Matsukawa: Our very own Oikawa: a whore?

Oikawa: THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE FOOTAGE???

Terushima: Confused boner

Yamaguchi: GTFO

Kuroo: I would've liked footage for this one

Kenma: if you saw it i would bite my tongue and die

Hinata: you were SOOOO CUTE!!!!  
Hinata: I wish couldve seen it KuroO!

Kuroo: I mean I could just go to his house and tickle him

Kenma: you have doomed me shoyo

Kuroo: Ill be there in five for platonic tickling

Oikawa: What's so bad about being in a relationship with your best friend

Kenma: if you break with them u lose ur best friend aswell

Yamaguchi: New fear Unlocked🔓

Oikawa: I could've gone my whole life without knowing this  
Oikawa: Fuck you Kenma

Kenma: i literally didnt do anything

Suga: speaking of people who didnt do anything wrong  
Suga: Where's goshiki?

Tendou: LEAVE HIM ALONE

Hinata: Noite to self dofnd rikn the erif liquid mom left on thss tsble

Kenma: what

Hinata: I dnt fell so good

Yachi: NOTE TO SELF: DONT BE GAY IN JAPAN

Yamaguchi: BIG HEADS UP: THATS A REALLY STUPID PLAN

Hinata: Knema is ths us?

Kenma: what

Hinata: areaweh ron thes same wavelink wlike the,? me kageyankfe asre someplua like that

Kenma: what

Hinata: Kages,aya🌸💮✨🦄❤️

Noya: I completely agree Shoyo

Kenma: what the fuck

Oikawa: I wish I had a platonic kissing buddy :((

Atsumu: You literally have a BOYFRIEND

Oikawa: Scandal adds thrill yknow!

Suga: You are NOT seeing the pearly white gates

Oikawa: Yall literally called me a whore twice AND a slut

Atsumu: it's because you are

Suga: Dont slut shame him asshole  
Suga: It's not his fault you aint getting laid

Osamu: Can confirm: He gets zero bitches

Sakusa: ^^^

Atsumu: BETRAYALLLL

Oikawa: ANYWHOOO truth or dare

[Oikawa SENT A VIDEO]

Kuroo: I'm going to save this video for personal reasons

Bokutwo: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE BRO

Bokuto: ASHHDGSHIII

Akaashi: who???

Bokuto: AM I CUTE?

Akaashi: yes you are very cute

Bokuto: AHDBHFBUAUHFUA FUCK YEAH

Kenma: i just realized oikawa called my a floozy and a hussie

Hinata: i thignk im duying

Kuroo: HE CALLED YOU WHAT

Oikawa: Its because he is a floozy

Lev: DEBATE TOPIC: Is kenma a floozy?

Ushijima: Kenma is not a girl.

Goshiki: YES I AGREE.

Suga: Bitch are you still on the Notice me Senpai trend?

Goshiki: MY ADMIRATION IS NOT A TREND WHORE.

Futakuchi: He is a whore isnt he Goshiki?

Suga: fuck yall Im saving myself for marriage

Atsumu: TRANSLATION: No one wants to the diddly do with me

Suga: Do I need to bring up what I said earlier again?

Kageyama: Wtf is the diddly do

Bokutwo: You cant be this dumb

Oikawa: what was that Tsukki?

Bokutwo: I HATE IT HERE

Suga: I know youre bad at noticing social cues so Ill explain  
Suga: sex

Kageyama: oh.

Asahi: What is this  
Asahi: If I asked what that was he'd call me all sorts of bad names

Daichi: Shut up Asahi

Suga: Sheesh

Daichi: Please go back to not typing in chat

Noya: Asahi you gotta stand up for yourself

Asahi: Sorry Noya

Sakusa: just burned down a wallmart

Komori: HUH??

Atsumu: WHY????

Sakusa: a kid with those gross ipads and grubby hands sneezed

Suga: did this bitch just admit to arson and murder

Suna: lmao

Atsumu: this is NOT a 'lmao' moment

Komori: tell me it wasnt the good wallmart

Sakusa: Sorry I guess

Atsumu: I hate it here  
Atsumu: I literally cant have anything

Yamaguchi: Just realized Kita and Semi are not the same person

Aran: Is Kita even in this chat?

Kita: no.

Atsumu: GOOD ANSWER!!!

Oikawa: ITS UP THERE STEVE

Iwa: Literally what is wrong with yall  
Iwa: My mans burned down a store and prob killed people and this bitch goes "tell me it wasnt the good wallmart'

Oikawa: its literally not even that serious

Atsumu: Right lmao

Iwa: Fucking hate it here

Oikawa: Anyway, Iwa your boobs are humongus

Iwa: I-

Ennoshita: Why is no one talking about how Hinata literally died and none of you noticed

Yamaguchi: Rest in peace i guess

Atsumu: WAIT WHAT??  
Atsumu: HINATA SHOYO?? Damn sucks  
Atsumu: he was hot

Sakusa: He was what 😃

Atsumu: HOT  
Atsumu: tf you blind or sum?

Aran: Homie asking for a whoopin

Kogane: GUESS WHO GOT THEIR PHONE BACK!!! :DD

Goshiki: KOGANE!!!

Hinata: GOKANE

Bokutwo: oh he's alive...  
Bokutwo: also

[Bokutwo CHANGED Bokutwo'S NICKNAME TO Tsukishima]

Tsukishima: screw yall i quit

Yamaguchi: Does this mean I dont have to wear the maid dress

Tsukishima: SUDDENLY I DON'T FEEL LIKE QUITING

Oikawa: It's too late to go back bitch

Yamaguchi: What a waste of 3000 yen :((  
Yamaguchi: Oh well, I can get back the money and use the dress :  
Yamaguchi: That's what onlyfans is for 

Kenma: nice

Suga: TF??

Tsukishima: HUH??

Ennoshita: Death seems almsot comforting right about now

Kuroo: wh-  
Kuroo: What do you mean by 'nice' Kenma 😃

Kenma: yknow the thing

Kuroo: OHH THE THING

Lev: Im interested EYES EMOJI

Yaku: I know this bitvh did not just type out 'eyes emoji'

Kenma: i hate him sm

Lev: Kenma  
Lev: How come your a setter but you cant set foot in a shower

Kenma: how come youre in highschool and dont know the difference between youre and your  
Kenma: why dont you fix that dogwater personality before you talk to me again  
Kenma: id say suck my toe but youd probably like that

Lev: I was about to take this personally but then remembered that im hot

Yaku: He's crying btw

Kenma: good  
Kenma: hate that mf

Kuroo: YO CHILL HE AINT EVEN SAY ANYTHING THAT BAD

Yachi: can we not fight?  
Yachi: Lets talk about musicals instead

Yamaguchi: Wanna watch ilegal heathers with me?

Yachi: YES! YES!  
Yachi: A MILLION TIMES YES

Goshiki: THE LINE "I'D NORMALLY SLAP YOUR FACE OFF" FROM HEATHERS REMINDS ME OF COACH WHEN I MESSED UP AT THE KARASUNO GAME.

Oikawa: HUH???!?!??!

Semi: lol

Tendou: The mood when you laugh at Yamaguchi's failures

Goshiki: LAUGH OUT LOUD.

Daichi: So we...just not gonna talk about that?

Suga: Exactly

Daichi: Suga gets it

Suga: WHO TYPES OUT LAUGH OUT LOUD???

Daichi: That is not at all what I was refering to

Suga: Know your place virgin

Atsumu: TELL EM SUGA

Kogane: ANYONE ELSE RANDOMLY GET THE URGE TO RUIN SOMEONE'S LIFE??

Tsukishima: This guy gets it

Goshiki: KOGANE?

Moniwa: I'm sorry, what was that? 😁

Kogane: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND IF I DID I AM VERY SORRY AND DID NOT MEAN IT?

Goshiki: HONEY WHAT YOU WAITING FORR?

Ushijima: Place your foot inside of the place where people would shop full of sweets that I own.

Oikawa: This bitch-

Goshiki: I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD FIFTY TIMES.

Shirabu: i'll do it

Goshiki: NOT YOU!  
Goshiki: I'M GONNA BE THE ACE, SO NOT YET.

Semi: I mean- whatever keeps you alive... I guess

Goshiki: SORRY, I JUST HAD AN EPISODE, BUT I'M BETTER NOW.

Yachi: TIME FOR YOU TO PROVE YOURE NOT A PUSSY ANYMOREEEEE

Yamaguchi: Yachi you are a master of comedic timing

Goshiki: ALSO, USHIGUSHI REPLIED TO ME EARLIER!!  
Goshiki: THIS CALLS FOR AN EXTRA EXCLAMATION MARK!!

Shirabu: how is it possible that you're this lame

Semi: bitch stfu  
Semi: Motherfucker needed a haircut, saw a protractor and decided "This'll do"  
Semi: You look like shit

Shirabu: Who tf let Emo Suga think he has an opinon?  
Shirabu: You prob listned to MCR once and decided that it "wasnt a phase"

Semi: I'm not even emo  
Semi: Maybe if you had a brain that wasnt the size of airpods you would understand that

Tendou: How long is this gonna go on for?

Oikawa: Jesus christ get a room

Shirabu: I didnt even start this  
Shirabu: He's obsessed with me

Semi: I'M obessed with YOU?  
Semi: Please. like i'd fall for someone like you

Shirabu: Wanna make out?

Semi: absolutely

Tendou: Actual whiplash

Tsukishima: that took such a turn that my neck hurts

Kageyama: that's a lot of neck

Yamaguchi: Brontosaurus😍

Yachi: IM SCREAMING AT THIS

Tsukishima: More like Brachiosaurus  
Tsukishima: If i remember correctly Brontosaurus weren't real? ill look it up

Yamaguchi: I-

Kageyama: We're INSULTING you

Tsukishima: I'm ignoring you shush

Kageyama: Also wouldnt you know dino boy?

Tsukishima: It's a HOBBY not an obsession milk bitch

Kageyama: So Im not allowed to like food? Okay

Oikawa: This is the exact same thing that happened with Semi and Shirabu earlier

Tsukishima: I'm sorry your royal majesty, I shouldve known  
Tsukishima: A big appetite for a big ego

Kageyama: Your MAJESTY? maybe Oikawa was right  
Kageyama: You trying to be the Nezumi to my Shion?  
Kageyama: Don't call me that ever again

Yachi: AHHH I GET THAT REFERENCE

Yamaguchi: I love how Yachi's just happy to be here

Suga: I feel like I should be interfering

Noya: Usually Tanaka would say something

Tanaka: SHHHH It's getting interesting

Tsukishima: You're literally crushing on an orange  
Tsukishima: That's so embarrassing Id feel bad for you if it werent so hilariously pathetic

Kageyama: It's not pathetic so quit lying  
Kageyama: Or do you think it's true because your brother told you?

Yamaguchi: DAMNN

Suga: THATS MY FAVORITE CHILD

Noya: Hold the fuck up

Kuroo: I know he cried after that

Tsukishima: Of course you would stoop that low  
Tsukishima: Might as well pass the baton to someone else  
Tsukishima: If theres anyone there to grab it if you catch my drift

Yamaguchi: DAMN RIGHT TSUKKI

Kuroo: GIVE IT TO EM

Kageyama: You literally need Yamaguchi and Kuroo to back you up all the time like youre in an incest fic of Alvin and the chipmunks  
Kageyama: Hey Simon where's Jeanette?

Daichi: I really should do something here

Suna: I've got my fill

Suga: Right right  
Suga: Tsukishima stop bullying Kageyama

Tsukishima: What the fuck?!

Suga: Cope

Tsukishima: yeah yeah whatever bench boy

Suga: three days. Say your goodbyes.

Tsukishima: what

Noya: Im p sure he just marked your death

Daichi: RIP lmao

Tanaka: tobe flyyyy low

Yachi: NOT FLY LOWW

Hinata: is it just mne or was thhat fihtg gkindsa hot?

Atsumu: can you just hurry up and die so I can brag that I knew you at ur funeral all ready

Yamaguchi: lol i got butterflies

Oikawa: this chat was a mistake


	5. The All Out Attack On Karasuno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other teams bully Karasuno for being the virgins they are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for going missing for like a weak 
> 
> I ran out of funny juice

Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Suga: Why does nobody talk about how like  
Suga: Someone will be like  
Suga: "Ily bby ur pulchritudinous"  
Suga: Then Hinata be someone will be like  
Suga: "wtf duz that mean:  
Suga: and then Tskihsima will go  
Suga: fuck  
Suga: *Tsukishima  
Suga: "Lmao dumbass"  
Suga: Like how the fuck is he supposed to know what pulchritudinous means  
Suga: That's fucking stupid

Oikawa: Go off suga

Noya: Slow down. grab the wall  
Noya: oops bad timing lmao

Hinata: wtf does pulcridinous mean

Kageyama: lmao dumbass

Suga: right lol

Tsukishima: wtf is this double standard

Yachi: SHES EMITS BEAUTY SHE EXUDES GRACE SHE TRULY HAS THE MOST PULCHRITUDINOUS FACE

Tanaka: It's KIYOKO

Suga: I want Kiyoko to have all of my children

Tanaka: Lmao same

Yamamoto: My love is much more pure

Oikawa: Why did daichi get mad when I flitred with Suga but not now???

Daichi: This is different  
Daichi: It's kiyoko dude

Ennoshita: Ew hetero

Daichi: Uh- no  
Daichi: not me  
Daichi: Wrong bitch

Kuroo: that meme's literally like a year old  
Kuroo: Keep up gramps

Tsukishima: He got you there grandpa

Daichi: mf you must want to get beat

Oikawa: Oh yes daddy

Iwa: ???

Daichi: What? wha- I dont understand

Futakuchi: Mother fucker just dropped that on us and then said nothing about it

Oikawa: sorry bout that  
Oikawa: being pegged by hello kitty

Matsukawa: Lmao 

Iwa: BY WHO??? FUCKING HELLO KITTY

Noya: ISN'T THAT BITCH LIKE FIVE LMAO THE FUCk

Yamaguchi: Ignoring Oikawa

Futakuchi: as u should

Yamaguchi: Reminder that u are loved and we care for you  
Yamaguchi: not you Kageyama

Kageyama: FUUUUCK YOU

Yamaguchi: You wish ;)

Tsukishima: ...

Kageyama: You wish that were you huh?

Yachi: We rocking with Flirty Yamaguchi?

Tsukishima: one day I'm gonna fucking beat the shit out of you

Yachi: :(

Tsukishima: wAIT

Kiyoko: U must wanna die 

Hinata: FUCK U BITCH  
Hinata: IM THE LESBIAN PROTECTOR

Tanaka: MUTHFUCKAAAAAAAA 

Noya: YOU GOT A DEATH WISH????

Asahi: You best pray if u wanna live

Kageyama: CANCELLED

Yamaguchi: #tsukkiIsOverParty

Tsukishima: I'd like to start out by saying sorry. It was never my intent to say those things to Yachi. If I could take back those things, I would. More importantly, it was supposed to be directed towards Kageyama rather than Yachi. Now I truly understand the weight and grossness of my words an actions. I was in a dark place at the time, but I want you all to know that I've changed. That part of me was completely different than who I am now, and honestly, it disgusts me. I'm going to be staying offline for a while. Thank you all for coming with me through this journey. I just want to say once again that I am truly sorry. Goodbye.

Kenma: wtf

Kuroo: NOT HIM COMING OUT WITH A WHOLE ASS ESSAY

Bokuto: I WOULD TOO  
Bokuto: THOSE BITCHES KILL PEOPLE

Sakusa: Y'all be the same bitches who be like "Why don't the other teams like me" 😐

Oikawa: You guys are the biggest virgins I've ever seen on my entire live oh my fucking god

Atsumu: Even I'm embarrassed

Aran: Promise me you'll never ever do this wack ass shit 

Kita: I'll be so dissapointed

Konoha: Checking this chat was a mistake

Suga: Not yall switiching up on me😐  
Suga: Fake ass friends

Akaashi: i can't be seen with you anymore. sorry.

Futakuchi: I dont talk to virgins lmao

Suga: Do I LOOK like a mirror?

Noya: GET EM SUGA

Futakuchi: If you looked like a mirror I wouldnt have said what I said you washed up excuse for a crusty old white furred dog

Daichi: GAWD DAHM

HInata: Who's Suga? I dont know who that is

Yamaguchi: I have never in my life been associated with anyone named Sugawara

Moniwa: What did i miss?

Aone: ::DD

Futakuchi: OH SHIT THE FEDS ARE HERE

Kogane: ROLL OUT SQUA

Suga: Mf just broke my heart then left  
Suga: What an icon

Daichi: umm wtf thats not iconic

Kuroo: I am so fucking tired its not even a joke

Daichi: Who the fuck asked this isnt fucking about you 

Kuroo: Wtf man 

Kenma: hes right kuroo  
Kenma: no one asked you

Kuroo: BETRAYALLL  
Kuroo: Can we go back to bully Tsukki?

Tsukishima: Call me that again and I'll rip your balls off

Kuroo: Oh yes daddy😩

Tsukishima: You got a death wish or something

Oikawa: Why is Karasuno so violent lmao  
Oikawa: Couldn't be me

Suga: Doesn't Iwa slam a volleyball into your head every time you annoy him?

Oikawa: No it's hot bc I like it

Iwa: YOU WHAT

Tsukishima: Ew gtfo

Yachi: I just got done helping Hinata with his homework

Oikawa: Any askers?

Mastukawa: RIP Captain

Kyotani: I can say with full confidence that he will not be missed

Oikawa: You guys are so dramatic and I'm like the KING of drama  
Oikawa: Wait why do I hear knocking at my door

Bokuto: The lesbian protectors have deemed you unworthy

Tsukishima: Oh my god he finally found the caps lock button

Oikawa: GUYS THIS ISNT A JOKE IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE WTF

Iwa: dont rough him up too much👍

Oikawa: FUCKING TRAITORS

Hanamaki: Sometimes I can still hear his voice

Daichi: Oh god Im getting flashbacks to that one time I lost a tooth  
Daichi: I'm literally missing a tooth now btw

Yamaguchi: Can we go back to making fun of Daichi for being dead? I miss those days :(

Noya: No no no! If you use a joke too often, you'll stop laughing at it  
Noya: Jokes like that are supposed to be held sacred  
Noya: Yet.... we made the mistake of making it too often

Kuroo: Wtf is up with Karasuno and writing whole essays about the most trvial shit

Ennoshita: dont you dare lump me in a group with them

Kuroo: no lol

Kenma: nice

Kuroo: You mean it?

Kenma: way to go you ruined it

Kuroo: I know

Kenma: why do you love seeing me suffer

Kuroo: I wouldnt call making sure you literally dont starve to death making you suffer but whatever floats your boat

Fukunaga: i literally have a crush on everyone on nekoma ahhhh ✧♡(◕‿◕✿)

Yachi: Who are you? Sorry.

Fukunaga: How mean (ᗒᗣᗕ)

Suga: Idk who that is but he's literally so cute omg  
Suga: Where have yall been hiding him??

Kuroo: We... haven't been hiding anyone😃⁉️

Hinata: Where does he live? For research purposes

Fukunaga: Ur cute but Yaku is cuterᕦ(⩾﹏⩽)ᕥ

Tsukishima: Weren't u just beating up Oikawa???  
Tsukishima: Also who tf are you

Fukunaga: i must got now  
Fukunaga: just yakuza things lol

Yamamoto: I guess this counts as talking more so lol bye

Tanaka: Panties

Noya: Bro...

Yamamoto: BRO

Tsukishima: ???? what

Ennoshita: Dont bother  
Ennoshita: Was there always three of them???

Noya: Suck my nuts

Asahi: Say less

Suga: LMAO WHAT

Tanaka: THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME AHAHAH

Kiyoko: Cute

Tanaka: AGDUDUAHDUDHADHUH???D DUBEUWUWBUDBUDBUFB

Daichi: WTF???

Suga: I literally cant have anything lmao

Yachi: ME NEXT PLSSSS

Suga: She literally calls you cute all the time  
Suga: Get in line bitch

Kuroo: No objections from the "Lesbian protectors"??

Hinata: I mean it's Kiyoko

Oikawa: WHAT THE FUCK

Hinata: Them's the works 

Oikawa: BITCH

Yachi: Corvette Corvette

Shirabu: You guys are literally most embarrassing batch of simps ive ever seen

Tsukishima: Oh its Shirabu  
Tsukishima: I had a feeling a bunch of Shiratoizawa brats were missing.  
Tsukishima: If you're really that in need of money I could give you some so you could have an actual barber do your hair instead of having to watch a dumbass tutorial online that told you cutting your hair with a protractor was a good idea  
Tsukishima: The embarrassing part is that you think it looks good

Semi: GET HIS ASS

Goshiki: I THINK HIS HAIR LOOKS FINE

Tsukishima: Of course YOU would think that

Tendou: WHY DID HE COME FOR YALL LIKE THAT LMAO

Hinata: Can we go back to talking about volleyball in this group chat?? PLEASE???

Tendou: Oh you poor thing  
Tendou: It was never about Volleyball

Kageyama: Can we just make a new groupchat without them???

Hinata:I'm with Kageyama rn and I just watched him retype "them" Five times

Suga: Why're you with Kagyema??

Hinata: Why not?? Is it ilegal for me to hang out with firends??

Suga: You know what I mean

Hinata: I really dont

Tsukishima: Oh right, he's an idiot

Oikawa: If you guys dont stfu rn im gonna start roleplaying

Kuroo: dont let kenma and tsukki find out they'll join in

Tsukishima: Go fuck yourself

Kuroo: Only if you watch me

Tsukishima: ur literally so gross

Oikawa: OwO? I've been a very dirty boy. *licks lips*

Tsukishima REMOVED Oikawa FROM Holy shit thats a lot of people groupchat

Shirabu: WE CAN REMOVE PEOPLE???? 

Daichi this will truly be a new revalation for our people


End file.
